


golden.

by coffeeshop_au



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Getting Back Together, Kind of Canon Compliant, M/M, there is no smut in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22702489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeshop_au/pseuds/coffeeshop_au
Summary: Louis and Harry were broken up around 2017 and the first half of 2018, and the morning after the first night they sleep in the same bed again, Harry has an idea for a song.Or, how I like to think Golden happened.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	golden.

When they broke up, it destroyed Harry. It destroyed both of them, actually, even if Harry tried not to see how hurt Louis obviously was. It was easier that way. He unconsciously preferred dealing exclusively with his own feelings rather than acknowledging that his ex-boyfriend (Harry refused to think of Louis as his ex-husband) was suffering just as much as he was. It was selfish, but it worked for some time. I was what got him through those first few months.

They were broken up for about a year and a half, and the beginning of that period was absolute hell. He finished the post-production for his album, dealt with promo and did interviews but it was mostly auto-pilot. He missed Louis more than anything, and it was the longest period of time he has ever spent apart from him since they met. When they were in the band, even if they were in a fight or during the painful times they were broken up, they still had to see each other basically every day. There were interviews, meetings, touring, and every other part of the job that consumed their everyday life. Back then, Harry could have sworn that having to face Louis during those tough spots in their relationship was the worst thing he could imagine, that it felt like he was paying for every sin he committed in all his past lives, but now he sees that he couldn’t be more wrong. Not being able to touch what he sees is still a million times better than being completely in the dark. So, naturally, during those first few months he desperately wished for any excuse to see Louis even once.

And Louis wasn’t much better. The day Harry left him, he felt something inside him change, like he wasn’t the same person anymore. Because that time, it was for real in a sense that it had never been before. They knew they would be gone from each other’s lives for the foreseeable future. That the two would probably see each other again -and maybe even get back together- but only if things really changed. They had to grow and change into better versions of themselves, they needed a lot of time apart to to do some soul-searching and find the adequate tools if they were to ever fix everything in their relationship that had been broken by years of secrecy, outside pressure and homophobia. Even though both of them accepted and acknowledged that, it didn’t make it any easier. It was still the most difficult thing they have ever done.

Harry lays thinking about that period of time and, in retrospect, he can see how much they have grown individually. It makes him really proud of himself and of this more mature version of Louis, who he still loves just as much as he always has (if not more). He noticed their growth in the small things, small changes in how they deal with their feelings, during these past two months they’ve been seeing each other again. Everything feels simpler, more mature and easier than it did in the months leading up to their breakup. For example, the first thing they did when they realized that they want to be more than just friends was talking things through and deciding to take it really slow. It was a heartfelt, honest and hours-long conversation and they both felt like it worked much better than any of the serious talks they had during the time they called their relationship off. They are more prepared to be vulnerable and share their feelings, which makes it easier to understand each other’s perspective and care for each other the way they need to. It was what was lacking, they figure: clear communication. So now they talk whenever they think it’s necessary, even if they’re still “just seeing where it goes” to not rush into things.

Yesterday, they decided they are ready to sleep in the same bed again. And also, sure, to have sex- but that wasn’t really the point. It was much more about the intimacy and how domestic it feels and, honestly, about the fact that they were worried that doing this would be too big of a step and they wanted to make sure they would do it right. And they did, it was great. It was a homemade meal which Harry cooked in his kitchen (a simple but romantic spaghetti), a couple glasses of wine, watching Love Actually for the millionth time and mind-blowing sex. Sex so good it made Harry want to throw “taking things slow” out the goddamn window and ask Louis to be his husband again right in the middle of it, as crazy and dumb as that would have been.

Now, he wants that again but it has nothing to do with sex. He wakes up with Louis’ arms around his waist and their feet and legs messily intertwined and it makes his heart so warm he wants to bottle that feeling so that he can have a little bit of it whenever he wants it. He wants to hold it right there with them, forever, to never let go. He takes a moment to stare at his maybe-partner-again-but-not-officially in his sleep, take in how beautiful and dreamy the golden morning sunlight coming in through the window makes the whole scene. Louis always looks gorgeous, but now, with his lightly tanned skin reflecting the golden glow in the room… Now he looks absolutely ethereal, like an angel.

It makes Harry appreciate how lucky he is to just have this beautiful man in bed with him, and it’s right then and there that he makes a promise to himself. He will fight as hard as he can to be by Louis’ side as long as Louis wants him there. It’s not a guarantee that it will always work, that they will be together forever, and it’s not that Harry hasn’t already realized he is in love with Louis again- but it’s now that he lets his guard down, that he stops holding back. It’s now that he lets himself feel _everything_. Up until this point, he’s been cautious, not really sure how to let go of all the baggage and the pain that he felt during the breakup and the months leading up to it. He looks at Louis and he sees the flaws in their relationship, Louis’ flaws as well as his own, he thinks of every way their relationship could possibly go wrong. That they are still going to have to hide, that they still have a long way to go in terms of open communication, that homophobia is still very much a thing and it’s still going to hurt them. He sees his own fear of loneliness, his own selfishness and big ego. But, much more importantly and strongly than that, he sees so much hope. He sees the man he wants to spend as much time as he can with. The rest of his life, he hopes. Everything he sees can only be summed up by one word: golden. Golden as in the light, golden as in Louis’ bright and unique personality, golden as in their beautiful future together.

So, that’s what he writes. He quietly reaches for his phone in the bedside table, opens the notes app, and types three words: you’re so golden. He won’t say it to Louis yet, because he reckons it’s not exactly “taking things slow” as they agreed they would, but he doesn’t mind. This is him recognizing his own feelings, acknowledging them and letting them be, he doesn’t feel the immediate need to share them yet. He’s happy, more than he has been in months.


End file.
